my first guest blogger

dear josh,

it's been a pleasure visiting you this weekend. i especially enjoyed all the playtime and, thankfully only wet, diaper changes. you were the perfect host, though i would have appreciated it if you had shared your prunes with me. sometimes even a girl needs a little bowel motivation, too.

your mom is making me feel guilty as i sit here blogging while she changes your dirty butt, but i'm not letting that stop me. when you're older i'll teach you how to ignore her, too.

the accomodations were lovely, even with the changing table in my guest room. luckily the odors stayed inside the garbage can. the view from my room was breathtaking, especially on the rainy and foggy days, and the complimentary moisturizer (the constant drool) really did take years off my skin.

it was nice meeting your older sister, shadow - otherwise known as the dog. she's a little smellier than you, but not all the time. i think in a couple of years i'll have to introduce you to my friend, beano. i think i'll send your mom some in the mail, but it'll be anonymous, so don't rat me out.

i'm sure sorry your dad was sick over the weekend, but glad i could help out whilst he was quarantined to the loft. he's new to your mom and my friendship, and our way of lovingly knocking each other down each chance we get. hopefully i'll have more time and a travel budget (?) to break him of the cringing. he needn't worry about us. we lasted fifteen years so far, i think we'll make it.

it's time for us to begin your nightly routine - because, yes, the world (or at least this house) does revolve around you. and that's ok, because you're the cutest thing on all fours, and now the cutest thing on flickr.

i love you, kid, and your mom, dad, and shadow, too.

(more lotion. does it ever stop with her?)

love,
aunt step

ps - your mom wanted a picture of us together, but since they all turned out crazy (my fault - definitely not yours, you're quite photogenic), she'll have to settle for this. we'll make it a little less em-bare-ass-ing for you. oh my, i crack myself up. crack - get it???

G-Daddy is in the House

My grandpa Malone, a.k.a. G-Daddy, came for a visit last night. Today he took Mom and I to the Austin Zoo. Its was our first of many trips to come. The zoo is actually a rescue and rehabilitation center for animals. For example, one of the lions there is from a drug bust in Plano. I didn't know lions were dealing, man.

We saw lions, tigers, and bears - oh my. Really, just one bear. Lots of birds, a peacock, turtles, and monkeys. There were some pigs, goats, and a llama. The llama drooled more than I do. An Austrailan family was also visiting the zoo. I smiled at them and they cheered. They must have never seen a blue eyed Austinite outside of a cage before. Speaking of eyes, see where I get'em?! It was a lot of fun, but next time, we need to bring my Jeep stroller, the terrain was a little rugged...but heck, I wasn't walking anyway.

The Downside of Napping

Bedhead!

The evidence demands a verdict.....

5 reasons why Mom and Tsh must be twins....

1. They both have adorable babies (and humble)
2. They both can't stand it when the aforementioned babies are nuts and whiny and crazy all day, and then are God's perfect happy little angel when Dad gets home.
3. They both are entirely different people when they find 1 hour to do a craft, or other accomplishment during the day (or 15 minutes to take a shower -- or 5 minutes to brush their teeth).
   
4. They both like Project Runway and are just a little bit ashamed of that.
   
5. They both have such amazing faith, hope, and trust in God that fills some of us around them with awe.
   

Tggd by Tsh

Four jobs I've had:

1. Son
2. Baby
3. Fuss-monkey
4. Being cute is a full time job

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. What's a movie?

Because of that.... four movies Dad can watch over and over since Mom can never remember movies, so its really like she's always watching them for the first time:

1. Tin Cup
   
2. Cool Hand Luke
3. Schindler's List
4. The Right Stuff
   

Four places I've lived:

1. Dad's testes and Mom's ovary -- at the same time (Whoa -- blows your mind doesn't it....)
   
2. Amniotic Sac
3. Uterus
4. Austin, Texas

Four TV Shows that I Love:

1. Mom doesn't let me watch TV
   
2. The Simpsons (OK, so Dad does....)
3. House (he's such a jerk -- its awesome)
   
4. Football

Four places that I've vacationed:

1. Seton
   
2. Backseat of the car
3. The Hurley's bedroom next to the computer tower -- that fan knocks me out cold.
   
4. Dick Nichols Park
   

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. The right one
2. The left one
3. Rice cereal
4. A second helping of the right one. And the left one.
   

Four sites Mom and Dad visit daily:

1. Treadmarks
2. i am unfinished
3. Chrafty Kids
4. PUCT
   

Four places Mom and Dad would rather I be right now:

1. Asleep
2. Asleep
3. Asleep
4. Asleep

Four bloggers I'm tagging:

1. Aunt Steph
2. Landry's mom
   
3. Dad's friend Jenn
4. Eh -- I'm a baby, I can't count to four. Besides, this averages out Tsh so she doesn't get sued.
   

A Spoon-Full of Rice Cereal Makes the Zantac Go Down...

Today is my 5 month birthday. Although apparently, that gets you nothing. Turns out you only celebrate every 12th month. Weird.

Actually, that's not true. I got more medicine today. Whoo-hoo. Turns out there has been an internal rebellion in Joshnonia (aka reflux), and Joshnonia's arsenal was no longer sufficient to keep the rebellion at bay. So Mom took me to the doctor today, and they upped my medicine -- mostly because I have upped my chunkage to 16 pounds 13 ounces. By the way, I prefer the term "husky". So everyone please pray that the upped Zantac will help with my screaming fits and pain. Since it was raining today, I did sleep most of the day. Mom and Dad continue to give praise for the easing of the Central Texas drought, since a rainy day is apparently the only way I sleep during the day.

So every morning after we wake up, Mom takes me downstairs, puts me in my seat, gives me an empty bowl and spoon, and then proceeds to eat her breakfast right in front me. The key part of that sentence is "empty". So first I stared intently at her as she ate. Nothing. Then I started drooling profusely. Zilch. Then I started gnawing at my hands on the spoon -- that's right, the empty spoon that goes with the empty bowl. Bupkis. Then I started reaching for and grabbing her food -- bananas, bagels, you name it. Zip. Every day. Nada.

But today, my hero Dad came home and made me some rice cereal. That's right. Today was Josh's first official solid food day. Actually, the doc today said that might help the reflux. But I don't care, 'cause it was good stuff. Dad said it tasted like something called cardboard, but I was too busy slurping it down to listen. Yuuuuuuuuuum!



So prior to today, I've just been hanging out with the ladies all this week. Yesterday, we went to the park with the Gowins. On Monday, Mom and I went to the playgroup, and it was me and four girls. Yeah baby! Josh likes those odds.

We're going to watch the Super Bowl at the Gowins. I still don't understand why we don't have a HDTV Projector that makes a 100 inch TV on the wall like they do, but Mom keeps saying I'll understand later. We watched LSU destroy Miami in the Peach bowl, Texas beat USC in the Rose Bowl there, so it is clearly the lucky spot to watch football. With that, the lucky onesie, and Dad keeping his cursed Terrible Towel safely on the top shelf of the closet, Josh can guarantee a victory for the Steelers. Boo-yah!

Thank goodness she wasn't eating soup

On Thursday, Mom and I went to Books and Babies Storytime at the library. It was soooooooooo much fun. We sang songs, read books, I looked around at all the other kids and moms, and had a grand ol' time. Dad's excited about going sometime with us when he has a Thursday off work, or can meet us for an early lunch.

Friday, however, was not quite so good, when Mom looked at my head and saw a big red smear that looked like blood. What happened? Did I fall off the bed? Did I get cut in a gang fight? Drive by? Did something fall on my head..... like jelly.... off Mom's sandwich.... yep, that was it. Jelly. On my head. I guess that's what I get for never letting her eat. Mom laughed so hard she had to call dad at work and tell him.

Saturday was a bad teething day. I woke up alot at night, and was pretty unhappy from mid-afternoon on. Some friends told us today that their daughter started teething at 3 mos, but didn't have a tooth come out until 6 mos. Oh jeez. Still a little feverish from time to time. And you know what the prescription for that is --- more cowbell.

That's the tooth

So the consensus around here seems to be that I'm starting to teethe. Consider the following:

1. I have a perpetual v-shaped dark spot on my shirts from the Niagra Falls of drool that continuously runs down my face.
2. Said drool is giving me a bit of acne on my face, and I'm assuming I will teethe before the onset of puberty.
3. I gnaw on my hands all day.
4. I gnaw on Dad's hands when he gets home.
5. I gnaw on Mom when Dad's hands are not available.
6. I gnawed on Mom's desk yesterday when neither she nor Dad's hands were available.
7. I find myself thinking about gnawing on the dog.
8. I had a slight fever yesterday and today.
9. My butt is a little red-- possibly from my looser...er...how do I say this... "deliveries" - presumably caused by swallowing of copious amounts of drool - a plethora of drool, you might say.
   
10. I usually look like this.
    

You make the call.

I was pretty fussy yesterday. But mom really appreciated it when Dad got home and I immediately switched to happy, giggly, smiley boy from whiny, grunty, unhappy boy. It was probably good that Dad stayed home with me while Mom went to the south-siders bible study. And I woke up wailing while she was gone--- so Dad got the full picture of the life of Josh. Balance was thereby restored to the universe.

I was much better today. I actually took a couple of naps by myself. It turns out that sleeping on top of Mom may not in fact be the most comfotable place to sleep. Hmmm. I also enjoyed Mom giving me a bath for the first time in awhile to day. We tried the kitchen sink, which I enjoyed much more than the tub. She said she took some pictures, but all I could find were shots of that whale that got stuck in the Thames river. Look at that blubber! Whew buddy!

Some of Mom's Favorite Pictures

4-0 and Super Bowl Bound Baby!!!!!

That's right -- the lucky onesie saw the Steelers to victory once again (that, and a phenominal game by Big Ben). This time, the Broncos never knew what hit them when I launched the WMD attack in the first quarter. Thankfully, Dad's quick action prevented another game-ending injury to the onesie. It was literally a matter of milimeters (remember -- HUGE fan....). But with disaster averted, there was never any hope for Denver. I was so confident in victory that I decided to sleep through the fourth quarter... and the first quarter of the NFC championship... and through dinner.... What can I say, it rained today in Austin for like all of the second time that I've been alive, and it was a sleepy day. I even passed out in Sunday school with Mom and Dad this morning.

At this point, the only possible thing standing between the Steelers and "one for the thumb" is the potential that I will outgrow the onesie in the next two weeks. For most babies, that would be unlikely, given that it's size 6 mos, and I'll only be 5 mos old on Super Bowl Sunday.... but I've heard that my nickname in the NFL would be "Jumbo Josh".

The Beauties of State Employment

So since Dad works for the state, he got Monday (Martin Luther King, Jr.) day off. He also gets tomorrow off because it is Confederate Heroes Day, which nearly always occurs on the same week as MLK day. Apparently, you are born with an understanding of irony, because even I get why that's messed up. But it's good for me, because he'll be home tomorrow to play with. We'll celebrate it as Heroes of the Battle of Joshnonia Day.

Speaking of, the Battle of Joshnonia continues, and the brave armies of Joshnona continue to beat back the horde of the enemy. The enemy has been cornered and surrounded at Mount Nostralia, with the unfortunate consequence of making it difficult to eat and breathe at the same time, but we will be victorious. Joshnonia's key ally of Dadtopia also appears to have overcome the enemy, but continues to battle the treacherous ally of the enemy - Cedar Fever -- which apparently isn't really a fever. Dad was very excited to hear that the cedar pollen apparently hasn't even peaked yet. And by excited, I mean not excited. Apparently the day before Confederate Heroes day is also Opposite Day, which starts to make the MLK/Confederate Hereos day thing make more sense.

Yesterday, as mom and I were playing, I discovered I have feet. Who knew? We were playing, and the all of the sudden, I noticed these little bears on my outfit at the bottom. I grabbed them, and, guess what.... feet! Go figure. Now all I need to figure out is how to get those bad boys into my mouth. It's their turn.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round -- and almost fall off....

Day three of the battle of Joshnonia had its lows and highs today. Woke up still feeling pretty crappy (see pic). Still fevery. Still feeling blah. And the enemy, confident in its control over Joshnonia, had proceeded to invade one of Joshnonia's most trusted and valued allies, Dadtopia.

But the armies of Joshnonia counterattacked at noon, breaking the backbone of the fever just before the Steelers-Colts game -- and then Josh's mojo took over. Make it 3-0 for the lucky Steelers onesie that Uncle Jeff got me for Christmas. But an injury (otherwise known as poop) meant the onesie couldn't go in the second half. And let's see..... Colts made a second half comeback.... Coincidence???.... I think not.

But the stink of my diaper clearly played a factor in the outcome, as it first caused tears in the eyes of and blinded the ref who overturned Polamalu's clear and unmistakeable pic. Next, some additional collateral damage occurred when the Bus, catching a whiff of said diaper, fumbled trying to seal the deal. But the WMD that is my excrement finally hit its intended target, disorienting the Colts kicker enough to make him shank that field goal. That's right. When it needs brought, Josh brings it. I'm such a Steeler fan, I poop Steeler gold, baby. And I'm apparently a HUGE fan.

Postgame report. The fine medical staff of Joshnonia's other key ally, Momaria, was able to perform emergency triage on the lucky onesie, and it has been declared fit to start next week in Denver. Boo-yah!

First post -- first cold

Hi. My name is Josh. Joshua Henry to be precise. Props to my cool Aunt Stephanie for setting up my blog. She's not really my aunt, but it's easier than saying "my mom's friend who I've never met but understand that she thinks I'm really cute and that I should have my own blog and her name is Stephanie". So Aunt Stephanie it is. Maybe I'll even shorten it to Aunt Steph to save on a few syllables.

It's taken 19 weeks, but the enemy has invaded Joshnonia. That's right. I'm 16 pounds, 4 ounces of sick. Stuffy, runny nose sick. Puking up milk sick. Fussy sick. Fever sick. But at least I'm still good-lookin' .

Mom took me to the doc yesterday. Got prescribed "alot of love". Nice going genius. Our friend who's a pediatrician said we got gyped because we didn't even get free samples. Sheesh.

So Uncle Jeff is coming today. He really is my uncle. He looks alot like Dad, except with a goat. Dad actually had a goat since Christmas, and mom found that weird. I liked it, because it tickled when he blew raspberries on my belly. But it started looking like a dead racoon this week, so he shaved it off.

So mom and I are gonna roll to the HEB. Hopefully I'll conk out in the car, but I gots the fever, so who knows.