Um...Tate... It's not what you think.

So last week we went to go see my friend Suzy, and since we live a long way away, Mom and Dad decided just to give me a bath there... 'cause I stank apparently. Maybe it has something to do with us living a mile away from the sun --- or at least that's what it feels like. Man, the only thing worse that sitting in a hot car seat would be being pregnant in heat like this!! Why is Mom glaring at me like that?

It turns out that Suzy needed a bath too. So it only made sense for us to take one together. Look, we're under severe drought conditions here... it's just good stewardship of the wonderful world that God gave us to use its resources wisely. What? Well just because I sound defensive doesn't mean I have anything to be defensive about. It was totally innocent. OK, well Suzy did have a rubber ducky to play with. I do love my rubber duckies.

So Tate, you have nothing to worry about. Well, Mom did say that Suzy's mom started talking about her needing a prom date, and Dad keeps saying "Dowry. How big will the dowry be? That's all I want to know." I'm not sure what that means, but I wouldn't read too much into that.

P.S. You probably shouldn't tell your Dad about this. He gives me the stink eye as it is, and I understand that I will in fact need my knees unbroken to walk.


A Little Face Time

My Cousin Tommy

Tggd by Tsh 3

This is back from June 20th. Better late than never, right?

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Summer. Is there another one?
Favorite Color: Burnt Sienna. Dad got out the crayons which I understand will fit nicely into my nose.
Favorite Time: 5:55am. Nothing is better than watching the sun rise.
Favorite Food: It is a toss up between tofu and avocado.
Favorite Drink: Boobtini - shaken, not stirred.
Favorite Ice Cream: Never heard of it.
Favorite Place: Mom's arms. Ahh!
Favorite Sport: Toilet diving.
Favorite Actor: Matthew McConaughey, his hair is awesome.
Favorite Actress: Zoe from Sesame Street. Dad said that if I ever have twin sisters he wants to name them Zoe and Chloe. I had to help Mom pick her eyes up off the floor because they rolled out of her head.

9 Currents
Current Feeling: Sleepy
Current Drink: Drool
Current Time: 10:21pm
Current Show on TV: The Simpsons
Current Mobile used: Used to teethe on, right? Mom's mobile.
Current Windows Open: Blogger and Google.
Current Underwear: Pampers, size 4.
Current Clothes: Candy cane striped onesie. Mom picked it out.
Current Thought: How am I supposed to sleep looking like a candy cane?

8 Firsts
First Nickname: Josher
First Kiss: Mom
First Crush: Tate
First Best Friend: Dad
First Vehicle I Drove: Wooden train.
First Job: Baby
First Date: 9-1-05. My date with destiny.
First Pet: Shadow - dog.

7 Lasts
Last Drink: Some milk before bed.
Last Kiss: Mom
Last Meal: Rice cereal; Plums, bananas and rice; Tofu.
Last Web Site Visited: betterthingsahead.com
Last Movie Watched: Sesame Street, but I'll be honest with you it is hard to hold my attention much past Elmo's World.
Last Phone Call: Dad
Last TV show Watched: Clifford the Big Red Dog

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever Broken the Law: No, but it should be illegal to be this cute.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: No, but I have been on these Rx's - Zantac, Zegerid, Nasonex, Zyrtec, Tylenol, and Benedryl.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No, but people I didn't know have kissed me.
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: No.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes, for 9 months.
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: Not yet, but ask me again in 15 years.

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: Air purifier and my best bud Kenny!
Things On Your Bed: My spare pacificer, my blanket, Dad's raggedy Andy, and a stuffed pig and butterfly my great grandma made me.
Things You Ate Today: Banana, rice cereal, grapes, avocado, apples and apricots, broccoli, and bagel. Wait, there was that handful of Shadow food that Mom missed.
Things You Can't Live Without: Dad, Mom, and a clean diaper.
Things You Do When You Are Bored: Throw blocks at Shadow. Crawl up Mom's legs. Neither of them like it when I am bored. Go figure.

4 Places You Have Been Today: We stayed home all day. Something about us melting if we left the house.

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now: I have not been supplied with a desk. Who do I contact regarding this matter?

2 Choices
Black or White: Black.
Hot or Cold: Cold, like tofu water.

1 Place You Want To Visit: Heaven - for a long visit, obviously.


Tggd by Tsh 2

It's a little late in coming, but here goes:

1. One book that changed your life.
The Bradley Method. Wouldn’t be here today if Mom and Dad hadn’t learned how to get me out. Man was that rough though! Although it seems to have been hardest on Dad. Wuss.

2. One book you've read more than once.
The Going-To-Bed Book. This was the first book that Dad read to me, and we read it every night for awhile. “The sun has set not long ago, now everybody goes below, to take a bath in one big tub, with soap all over scrub, scrub, scrub.”

3. One book you would want on a desert island.
Mmmmmm….. dessert….. what?.... desert?.. .why would I want to be on a desert island? You know what book I’d want? How to Get Off a Desert Island. Sheesh. What’s that Dad? Oh. The right answer to this question is apparently the Bible. Sorry. That’s what I meant. Misunderstood the question. Next?

4. One book that made you laugh.
Belly Button Book. “Do you wonder where we are? It’s BELLY BUTTON BEACH!! Where tons of hippos stand around in bathing suits too little, because they hope you will admire the buttons on their middle.” Cracks me up, man. Cracks me up.

5. One book that made you cry.
But Not the Hippopotamus. It’s sad to see that racism is still alive and well in the 21st century. First the hog and frog cavorted in the bog, and excluded Hippo. That’s a slam dunk in a housing discrimination lawsuit. Then the moose and goose wouldn’t share juice – just like segregated water fountains. And then, just as Hippo gets integrated into society, BLAMMO – Armadillo gets excluded, probably due to hysteria about him coming from Mexico and his willingness to do hard, physical labor at a low wage. Shameful. Just shameful. We’re all God’s children people. Fight the Power.

6. One book you wish had been written.
How to Get These Blasted Teeth Out of My Gums

7. One book you wish had never been written.
Goodnight Moon. I know this is anathema to everyone, but it doesn’t do much for me. Doesn’t hold my interest. I get it. Goodnight. That’s sufficient. I don’t need to say goodnight to the table, the chair, the moon, the bowl of mush, the carpet, the dust mites, the cockroach, the blade of grass outside, Jon Boy, etc. Just say goodnight and let me go to sleep already.

8. One book you are currently reading.
The Story of Joshua. Apparently I lead the Israelites to the Promised Land someday. Who knew?

9. One book you have been meaning to read.
Fear and Trembling. Mostly because Dad wants to read this. It apparently an exposition on Genesis 22, where Abraham is tested by being asked by God to sacrifice his one and only son Issac, and discusses the difference between faith and resignation. Let’s just say that any book Dad reads about someone sacrificing their only son is a book that I feel I should read as well…..


Where's the Fire -- 'Cause I Can Put It Out!!

So tonight, Dad got home from work in time to help give me my bath. Mom already had me in the tub when he walked into my bathroom, and I stood up to say hi to him. Did I mention I'm standing a lot now? Yeah. I like to stand. However, it is apparently not wise to stand in the bathtub, because you can slip, which I did. Mom hugged me and made me feel better. Man, who knew that a room so tiny can be so dangerous? First the toilet "incident", and now this. I don't know how Mom and Dad have managed to live as long as they have without serious bodily injury from that place.

On that latter point, after I was done getting clean, Dad got me out and put me in my crib to air dry a little. I then proceeded to -- you guessed it -- stand up. Fascinating thing -- not sure if you other dudes have figured this out-- without a diaper on, you can stand there, and....uhh.. let the river run through it, if you know what I mean.

Dad and I kinda both just stood there in fascination. Well, actually, Dad's range of emotions extended a little beyond fascination. When he told Mom, she asked "Why did you do that?". Well, you see I was testing the hydrodynamic properties of nitrogenous waste products as they are vertically expelled via gravity feed.... I don't freaking know why I did it!! Hello!!! Remember?? Baby. Me. Hi.

Dad says this may be one of the greatest advantages to being a guy. Quicker. Less sitting on public toilets. Fewer lines at sporting events and outdoor concerts. Basically, he said, the world is really your toilet -- or at least can be in a pinch.

Fun urinal links:

1. The Peter Potty Toddler Urinal. It's flushable, but no plumbing required. Not quite sure how that works out any differently than just peeing on the floor, but ok.
2. The Urinal Game. Test your knowledge of men's room etiquette.
3. Urinals of the International Space Station. To boldly go where no man has gone before.
4. The World's First Interactive Urinal Communicator. Um.. I don't really think you want your toilet talking back to you. Sing-yes. Talk-no.
5. The Video Game Urinal. A joke about the PS2 seems appropriate here, but this is a family blog.


Dad, Mom, & Me

That makes 3! (Sorry Shadow.)