This Must've Been How Elvis Died....

So Mom and Dad have been putting me on this big bowl-looking thing when I wake up or they change my diaper. They say that I'll need to figure out how to use it eventually, so they might as well start now, although there's no pressure (I'm sure there's a pun there somewhere, but I'm not really into bathroom humor). Apparently, not everyone wears diapers. I know! Weird, huh? It turns out that only really young people, like me, and really old people wear them. Most other folks don't. They actually sit on this bowl-thingy, and do their business there. Mom and Dad were actually surprised that I seemed to get it. Between you and me, I think its all coincidental since I never know when this thing is going to go off.

It's not too bad. Dad calls it "the office". Not sure what that's about, but it is a good place to do a little reading.

So the other night, Dad took me to "the office" and started preparing my bath while I was determining whether or not I had "anything on the agenda". It seemed like we should have been focused on doing one of those things at a time, but hey - what do I know? I'm a freaking baby! I was looking around, playing with the roll of paper they have next to the bowl -- must be there in case you have to take notes or something -- and next thing I know --- BOOM -- Josh fall down --- Josh fall down and go BOOM and CRY. To prove that Dad really must've taken his stupid pills, he says loudly, "Josh!! Are you ok???" Am I ok? OK?? My first major injury is falling off the toilet onto my head and that monkey asks me if I'm OK? And did he think that falling two feet onto my head would all the sudden make me learn how to speak??? Come on Dad, get in the game!

So after about 15 minutes or so of crying and some good 'ol Mom TLC, I was ok. I laughed and played with Dad some before I went to bed so he wouldn't feel too bad. I didn't really even get a bad bruise, which amazed us all. 'Cause brother -- ain't nothing hurts worse than falling off the head onto your.... head. (OK -- so I couldn't resist.)

Important lessons to take away:
  1. Mom, who was trying to take a little nap (for all you Moms -- insert groan here -- I know, Mom gets a few minutes to herself, and Dad breaks the kid), had a sense that I would start crying shortly. Mom also knew a few months ago when I almost hit my head (no toilet involved) and caught me in mid-air. Lesson? Moms have superpowers.
  2. Mom's response to this feeling was, "Eh... he's with his Dad, what could go wrong?" Lesson? Moms should trust their superpowers.
  3. Although I'm mostly in the 50% percentile on weight, length, etc., my head has consistently tracked the 90% percentile. Yep. Walking Blow-Pop -- that's me. The hat I have on here is actually, ahem, toddler size - one to four. Yes, years. Lesson? Though I think I look more like Mom, God gave me Dad's freakishly large head for situations just like this. By the way, Dad is currently preparing his deceptive marketing lawsuit against baseball cap manufacturers. I think his exact quote was, "One size fits all, my a**!!!"
  4. Dad was really worried about me and felt guilty that he put me in a position where I could get hurt. But when I recovered and smiled and giggled with him later, he felt a lot better. Lesson? God gives us no greater gift than the ability to forgive and love.
I will try to keep that last one in mind when Mom and Dad insist on sharing this story with my first girlfriend.


Tsh said...

Okay, my eyes are watering from laughing so hard. Thanks for the good bedtime story over here. And that has to be one of the CUTEST photos of Josh I've seen! And that says a lot.

By the way... Kyle has let Tate roll off our bed. And she's perfectly okay. I think Dads are good at safely breaking the kids.

cheryl said...

Oh my gosh! That had me rolling. I absolutely love the potty picture. What a classic! I'm glad the head bonk recovery was quick.

I ditto what Tsh said about the dad thing. :o) Many of Mallory's accidents seem to happen in daddy's care. Maybe that's one of Gods ways of breaking them in to the harshness of the world. :o) Dad's just allow them to do more than we do some times.

sarah said...

absoulutely hilarious! sad to enjoy your painful tale josh-- I am really glad you're okay- that can be scary for a little guy :) What a babe you are in the photo!!!
You look tiny! Hope this doesn't hinder successful time at the office for ya :)

step said...

: ( ok, so i thought i had read this one already...maybe i dreamt it.

i'm glad you're ok josh, but don't rush the potty training thing. once you learn how to wipe your own butt you can never go back. (not that you'd want to, really.)

love you, kiddo.