6.03.2006

How Doth Dad Love Us? Let Us Count the Ways

Although Mom said it would be fine if he just rested and got better from our month of sickenss, Dad instead tried to be productive this past weekend with Mom and I away.

Dad's weekend accomplishments:
  • 9 cabinet latches installed;
  • 6 counters and sinks cleaned;
  • 5 trash cans emptied;
  • 5 rooms vacuumed;
  • 4 shelves polyurethaned;
  • 4 loads of laundry;
  • 3 toilets cleaned;
  • 2 bedrooms' paint touched up -- kinda (see below);
  • 2 dogs washed (We only have one, but Dad swears that much dirt and hair could not have come off of just one dog. Based on the clog in the tub, Dad thinks the second dog got sucked down the drain. Sad.);
  • 1 closet organized;
  • .5% of the mess in the garage cleaned (making a 80% improvement in the ability to walk through the garage);

Five more reasons Dad will die first because of the effects of elevated blood pressure:

  1. He learned that whenever you need spackle or wood filler, yours will always have either (A) dried into a crumbly, useless hard solid, or (B) mysteriously liquefied into a stinking container of goo.
  2. He learned there is in fact something worse than screwing a plastic wall anchor into a stud with a power drill, thereby getting it stuck halfway into the wall. That would be screwing a plastic wall anchor into drywall, but then trying to back out the screw that subsequently went into the anchor, spinning the entire assembly and slightly widening the hole, meaning you have to start over -- after spackling --- see no. 1.
  3. Even though you have almost a full gallon of "cookie crumb" color paint, you really can't touch up the wall painted with another gallon of "cookie crumb" color paint, because it doesn't match. This means that at some point, you will have to repaint the whole wall, because it will actually look worse after you touch it up.
  4. Tried to hang and level a shelf on the wall without someone to help. Enough said.
  5. Realized that before you build shelves that you think will look really neat on the bedroom wall, you might want to think about how you are going to attach said shelves to the wall in a way where they actually have a prospect of holding something - or more importantly, if it is even possible to attach said shelves to the wall to accomplish that goal and have them look the way you intended. He says there's really only one word that comes to mind when you do those things in the wrong order. I'm still not sure how what's often in my diaper helps with that problem, but whatever.

Other things Dad did while we were gone:

  1. Slept in. (I'm unfamiliar with the concept -- I guess he slept until, like 7 AM or something. Laayyy--zeeeeee.)
  2. Took an undisturbed late afternoon nap.
  3. Ate pizza without Mom staring at him with a mix of sadness and just a little pinch of rage because of her not being able to eat dairy, including cheese, which I hear is an important component of pizza.
  4. Ate said pizza cold the next morning.
  5. Re-watched Return of the Jedi. He says he went ahead and said aloud to the room "Yes, I've seen it before, but I want to watch it again" before he watched it just so he wouldn't get out of practice.


3 comments:

cheryl said...

Sounds like it was a very productive weekend! It might have been fun to be a fly on the wall a few times. :o)

Tsh said...

You made us laugh. Kyle was reading in the OT for his test just now, and he said, "You know, I think movie producers get some of their names from the Bible. Like from the witch of Endor." To which I remembered your post. When I was pulling it up, he said, "Ooh, does he quote Return of the Jedi?" What a goober.

step said...

yay josh's dad! way to be productive!

re: #1 - mine got crumbly around the outside edges of the container, liquified in the very middle, and grew smelly mold between the crust and liquid. i scraped that crap off and used it anyway.