Christians are supposed to approach their brothers and sisters when they are concerned about them and to help them make wise life choices based on sound biblical principles. So it was with the best of intentions when an important issue was brought to the attention of the New Parents Sunday School class. The concern was that Mom and Dad were actively shopping "The Baby Boy You've Always Wanted" -- Josh!!!!!
Well it turned out that instead, my master plan to create an army of clone Joshes has been discovered. Blast!! Er... did I say army? I mean... my plan to offer a little bit of Josh to everyone who isn't lucky enough to have Josh... yeah... that's it... forget that army thing.....
The Premiere Edition Josh comes with the following features:
- lifelike blue eyes that are filled with trust and innocence -- And our patent pending creepyness.
- soft blonde wisps just begging to be kissed -- That's right -- KISS 'EM!!!!
- a droll expression -- Or was that troll? Pretty sure it's not droll.
- jointed to snuggle and "mother-gaze" the way only an infant can -- As long as that infant is made of vinyl.
- perfect for hugging and holding. Once you hold him in your embrace, you can't let go -- You'll try, but YOU WILL FAIL MISERABLY AT LETTING GO -- mostly because vinyl is sticky. Especially when it's hot. You might be able to let go, but there will be that SHHHLUURRRRP sound as the vinyl peels away from your sweaty arm;
- individually numbered -- by the Department of Redundancy Department;
- a strictly limited edition that will disappear as quickly as your own baby became a toddler -- Mostly because you didn't pay attention to your own baby, and instead were focused on a freaky, creepy piece of vinyl.
Your vote on placement on the creepy scale? On a scale of one to ten -- mine is a 15. Shudder.